(HORROR) Albino Farm - 2008 *

I've heard of most horror films, however bad they are, but I had never heard of this before my friend brought it over for film day. 

A group of people including that girl from Home and Away who can't act are researching local legends and stumble (somewhat willingly) across a town full of cannibals. Ironically we don't actually hear or see anything to do with albinos until about five minutes before the end, so the title is a bit misleading, but as I don't recommend you watch it you wont need to worry. 

(HORROR) The Canal - 2014 ***

David and his family move into a period house that is conveniently located near a canal, despite the fact that the estate agent has warned them of the building being haunted. But why would anyone listen, no one seems to in these films anyway. David soon starts having strange hallucinations that hint at his wife being unfaithful to him, and when he takes a walk along the canal in the middle of the night to clear his head, tbings descend into a hellish nightmare. It's quite a good storyline, and the first part I'd actually good, but it gets progressively worse, more messed up and less coherent as time goes by, until you haven't got a clue what is happening. A let down. But did like the concept originally.

(HORROR) A Good Marriage - 2014 **

Such a disappointment from Mr King. I really thought this was going to be excellent, after having seen such terrifying films like 'The Shining' but actually it was a damp squib, and for two such prominent actors the acting seemed pretty appalling. Or wooden. Can't work out which. Joan Allen especially acted like she had taken a huge dose of sleeping tablets and seemed completely out of it. Darcy and Bob appear to have a good marriage. They regularly go to events, have fun and seem loving towards each other, but when Bob goes off on an ominous business meeting, Darcy starts to get paranoid that he might be the notorious serial killer who happens to be on the loose. It sounds so good but it really lacks something major; I just don't have a clue what it is...

(HORROR) Annabelle - 2014 ***

First of all, dolls terrify me, and always have done, and these creepy vintage dolls with painted faces give me horrendous nightmares. So before I even went into this I knew it would scare the hell out of me. To be honest there didn't even really need to be a story linked to the film, as just 1 hour 30 minutes of watching a doll on a chair would be enough to stop me sleeping.

John's wife Mia is expecting, and when he finds a vintage doll in a white lace dress in an antiques shop he believes it's the perfect gift for her. But soon things take a negative turn when a break in occurs, and the devil worshipping culprits smear their blood on the wall some drips onto the doll. And she becomes evil. Sounds silly, but the build up of tension is really atmospheric, and what makes its even scarier is that you don't actually see the doll move. It's all in your imagination. 

(HORROR) Deadly Weekend - 2013 *

You can tell from the overtly sexual poster of a former playboy bunny lurking next to a tree that it's going to be a bad movie. And it is. Two couples go away for the last weekend they will have together before they go their separate ways, and along the way they turn on each other with rumours and confessions of infidelity that threaten to tear the whole group apart. The acting is the usual rubbish that you would suspect from a badly produced movie like this and there is not one credible character. Avoid. 

(HORROR) Videodrome - 1983 *

A horrendously bad nightmare of a film trying to masquerade as 'cult' because its got the sort of acid-trip nonsense that seemed to befit 'Eraserhead'. Both made me wish I had shoved my head in the oven. Woods plays a disgruntled head of a TV channel who is looking for a new and exciting idea to attract bigger audiences. When he hears about the mysterious "Videodrome" - a channel that portrays rape, murder and torture, he becomes fascinated and broadcasts the channel. His nutty and sexually voracious girlfriend starts to become obsessed with the horrible images. She then decides to leave to audition for a role, leaving James Woods in a state of permanent lunacy.

Just horrible, I didn't like it and it made me feel uncomfortable. I understand it was trying to show us a morality tale of what happens when people get too reliant and obsessive over television, as well as how people can take images on screen too literally, but it wasn't presented in a viewer friendly way to appeal. Thumbs down from me.

(HORROR) Don't Let Him In - 2011 **

I was initially interested in this film because of the creepy poster, which convinced me to watch it, but I'm afraid the end result was utterly disappointing. I would say that some awards for awful acting should be given out here, because in some scenes it was so horrendous that it seemed the actors were purposely trying to embarrass themselves. 

A couple, their sister and her latest one night stand (the vilest d******* on the face of the planet) all decide to go off for the weekend to a relative's house, which will give them all the opportunity for some alone time, or rampant sex in the sister's case. Once there, the one night stand (disturbingly named Tristan) immediately needs to make lots of secretive phone calls, as well as be thoroughly repulsive to the people who have driven him up to the house, and he suddenly feels like he needs to get some air and some milk from a local shop ten minutes away. Not weird at all. You can tell he's dodgy from square one, and that's not even a spoiler. What is weird however is when a hitchhiker appears, bloody and in pain, demanding medical attention (oh and the woman just happens to be a qualified nurse) and the delightful 'Tristan' refuses to lend at hand whatsoever. Add a hilariously tragic fishing trip and some inappropriate touching and you have this movie. Oh, and the local policeman appears at the beginning to let the characters know that a deranged serial killer called 'The Tree Surgeon' is on the loose. Fabulous.

California Suite - 1978 ****

Amusing comedy surrounding 4 groups of people's experiences at a luxury hotel. Alan Alda and Jane Fonda play an estranged couple, meeting up to discuss the living arrangements of their brattish teenage daughter, and finding that their feelings for each other may not be completely gone. Michael Caine and Maggie Smith are a comfortable married couple named Diana and Sidney's, who are in America to celebrate a possible win at the Oscar's for Diana's latest movie performance. Whilst getting ready, personal revelations come to light, and Sidney's somewhat passionless personality comes into question. Bill Crosby and Richard Pryor are best friends who are on holiday with their wives. And whilst originally everything seems calm, things immediately start to go wrong, leading to arguments and fights galore and resulting in an intense tennis match. Lastly, Walter Matthau and Elaine Ray are a married couple named Marvin and Millie, temporarily separated one evening before Marvin's birthday. After a drunken night, Marvin wakes up next to a prostitute named Bunny, whom he must get out of his room before his wife appears.

A funny little gem, and enjoyable segments with breast characters and a stellar cast. Only thing that might've made it better was to have ALL the characters interact with each other. 

You Can't Take It With You - 1938 ****

 

A quirky comedy that has recently become popular back on the stage again, James Stewart and Jean Arthur are delightful together as a mismatched couple named Tony and Alice who have to try to convince Tony's snotty and upper crust family that they are meant to be together. They are invited to Alice's house for a 'meet and greet' dinner which goes down badly when Alice's family display their eccentric and over the top characteristics, including a manic wannabe ballet dancer, a scatty mother and a crazy father who likes to experiment with explosives in the basement. To top it off, Tony's family mistakenly arrive on the wrong day, unaware that the house is a tip and the family have just been in the middle of a meeting about selling the house. You can tell it's a Frank Capra because of the quality of acting and array of stars. It also has the signature tearjerker ending which rounds it off nicely. I loved Ann Miller in this, who pretended she was only 14 to get her part (despite being at least 18) and also Stewart who is always a pleasure to watch. 

Kill Your Darlings - 2013 ****

Fabulously acted dramatic thriller starring Daniel Radcliffe who proves that he really CAN act. The story is based around the intense relationship between aspiring writers Ginsberg and Carr who both live together in rooms in their university. They stand out, partly for their eccentric mannerisms, and partly because their opinions on writing and literature in general astound and amaze their professors and fellow classmates. Constantly told that "in writing they must kill their darlings" (roughly meaning that they should get rid of any 'fluffy' mannerisms and sayings) they go wild in their consumption of books and classical stimulation. Ginsberg is soon made aware that Lucien Carr only manages to stay at Columbia University because he has a special relationship with the lead professor David Kammerer who appears to be an ex lover of his. He also befriends Jack Kerouac and William Burroughs who are in the middle of their own personal war with the quest for knowledge. Soon it becomes too much for Carr and Ginsberg to have Kammerer constantly begging Lucien for sexual favours and they decide to murder him. 

It's an exceedingly plotted and well done movie, and fascinating to see the crumbling relationships between these clever men. 

Shadow of Fear - 2012 ***

Casey is a pretty, accomplished and popular girl who juggles three jobs and a busy social life. One of her jobs is at the local coffee shop, where she meets a strange boy named Morgan. Believing him to be a bit odd, she is relieved when he quits the job and thinks its the last she will ever see of him. But almost immediately she receives a call from him stating that she led him on and was playing games with him. It is obvious that he has a screw lose, but how far will his deranged mind take him?

Gripping and taut obsession based thriller.

Another Woman's Husband - 2000 ****

The poster for this looks like a 'B' version of "Wild Things" but actually its got a bit more of a story to it. Just a shame that the women are so strange looking, and that the man is such a d***. Susan is a dedicated and committed wife to Jonny, and when she meets a new friend named Laurel during her swimming coaching she is happy to hear that Laurel has a new boyfriend. The two converse and become closer and closer friends, both having no idea that they are both romantically involved with the same man. 

Jonny is a typical chauvinistic man who can't commit to one person, and finds his wife's love and affection irritating. Laurel provides an escape that he seems to think he deserves. Laurel is equally besotted with Jonny, completely unaware that he is married. When the truth comes out it understandably creates a horrible situation. 

I've seen this twice now and enjoyed it each time. 

(HORROR) Inbred - 2011 **

I'm sure you can tell from the intellectual wordplay on the poster that this film was absolutely cringeworthy, but in case you didn't let me explain the basics. A group of troubled teens and their social workers go to a run down house in the middle of nowhere for team building exercises and as a reward for keeping our of trouble. Once there they encounter the locals, who happen to be utter lunatics who like killing and terrorising and have decided that this group of people are next on their list. And they like to west pig masks. Divine. Actually not a horrendously bad film, but as with most horrors, it has more potential than it likes to experience.

(HORROR) Starry Eyes - 2014 ***

What happens when you want to be famous so much that you sacrifice everything you hold dear? This is what happens in 'Starry Eyes' when aspiring actress Sarah is telephoned out of the blue to come to a mysterious house to meet an even weirder man, who then offers her chance to be the lead star in "The Silver Scream", but only for a price. She will become a mere shadow of her former self. Demoralised and in need of money, Sarah has to decide whether she should give up her soul and personality to be a superstar, even if it costs her. 

It's a morality tale I think, and shows you how desperate people can become when something is offered to them which seems too good to be true, because nine times out of ten it usually is. Lead actress is annoying, but maybe that's the whole idea. 

(HORROR) Hazard Jack - 2014 **

Nothing original here. A group of pervy men and women with ginormous breasts go to an abandoned hospital with ideas of playing paintball and getting off with each other. Immediately the viewer is aware that we hate all the characters and want them to die, so its not too much of a shock when they start being bumped off one at a time by a lunatic with a helmet on who is suffering from PTSD after being a soldier in Afghanistan. Obviously if your suffering from something so appalling the best place to spend your time is a creepy old hospital. Luckily for Hazard Jack, his victims are idiotic and sex crazed, so he has free reign to do whatever he likes to them. 

Can't applaud the film, but something to watch I guess. 

Attack of the 50ft. Woman - 1958 ***

A bit of a cheesy film, and so sad about the demise of the lead star, but a film that deserves to be watched, if not just for the hilarity of it all. 

A beautiful woman finds her husband cheating on her with another woman after being turned into a giant by an alien. She then goes crazy and starts stomping about all over town, crushing people and buildings and generally looking scary. I liked it, and the special effects were actually pretty good for the late 50s! 

Calvary - 2014 ****

A deeply shocking film that will haunt you for quite a time afterwards. Gleeson is a priest, trying to do good in the world and sort out a tricky relationship with his daughter. One day a man comes into the confessional and very calmly tells him that he has one week to live; because he will be murdering him the following Sunday. The reason for this is simple - because he has done nothing wrong. He is not a bad person, is an upstanding member of ythe community and has no inner demons (or so the mysterious man thinks) and this makes him a perfect target for someone who appears to have nothing to lose. 

It's a very tense movie, and I was surprised by the ending. You must watch it. What a clever story. 

(HORROR) As Above So Below - 2014 ***

'As Above So Below' is a very strange film. It's got a mirriad of strange happenings that wall appear to relate to ancient scriptures and mythology. The lead character Scarlett is an infuriating architect, completely self absorbed in herself and her 'quest' to find the Philosopher's Stone, which she has been told is under the mysterious catacombs in Paris. It's the sort of place you can only get to if you have a tour guide or someone 'in the know' and so we are introduced to a weird bloke who takes them into the deepest, darkest parts of the catacombs. Scarlett is utterly absorbed in finding this stone, which has been the focus of her whole career and puts the group of people she is with in extraordinary danger. 

Its not a run of the mill horror film, and it can be quite helpful if you know a bit about the legend of the Philosopher's Stone, but it can still be enjoyed independently.

(HORROR) Soulmate - 2013 ***

Not a bad effort, and a typical ghost story for a cold autumnal evening. 

A troubled woman on suicide watch decides to retreat to a quiet country house to convalesce, and becomes the obsession of a ghost who believes they are meant to be together, even if it means she dies. Some areas are jumpy, and the location serves for extra chills. I had never heard of this film and it was actually a lot better than many horror films I've seen recently. Although that's not saying much really. 

Bad Words - 2013 *

Jason Bateman plays an idiotic loser who spends his life winning children's spelling bees due to a technicality. He's unpleasant, fake, and just not funny. The whole film just progresses with Bateman getting more and more vile and trampling over anyone who gets in his way. 

I really didn't like this and found it difficult watching such a prat for such a long time. 

(HORROR) Bela Kiss: Prologue - 2014 *

Really appalling film. Not even for the subject matter, which in itself is quite interesting, but for the dire acting and plot. 

Five idiotic bank robbers get caught up in a peculiar hotel hiding from the police, without realising that the legend of Bela Kiss is still present, and very real. Bloody awful.

The Two Mrs. Carrolls - 1947 ****

Yes Bogie might've been miscast, but you still see echoes of his gangster attitude and wide, scary eyes in some scenes.

Geoffrey, a talented painter meets Sally, a kindhearted woman who falls head over heels in love with him. She marries him and goes to live with Geoffrey and his intelligent daughter Bea, only afterwards does she discover that he was married before, and his wife tragically died. 

Soon Sally starts to panic that Geoffrey is displaying peculiar tendencies, including being secretive, sending his daughter away and flirting with the beautiful neighbour. He also won't allow anyone into his studio to see his latest masterpiece. But when Sally and Bea finally break into the room, what they find is terrifying. 

It's a genuinely scary film towards the end, and as usual Stanwyck is utterly understated. Brilliant, and what a storyline. 

Dishonoured Lady - 1947 ***

I hope no one ever forgets how wonderfully accomplished Hedy Lamarr was, not just in her acting but in her other pioneering pursuits; without her we wouldn't have wireless communication. Madeleine is the beautiful and accomplished art editor who is careless in her relationships. She goes through man after man, but when her latest partnership fails she attempts suicide. Thankfully she is not successful, and after being blackmailed by her previous lover she retreats to a quiet life, hoping to be untraceable. However soon her new life is disrupted when two of her ex partners track her down. 

Lamarr is electrifying and I adore her voice. (I also love that she chose her surname from silent star Barbra La Mar). One of her most well known films and deserves to be seen.

(Obsession) The Hidden Room - 1949 ****

Psychiatrist Clive believes his beautiful wife Storm (what a name!) is having an affair, and his fears are justified when he arrives home one evening and, standing in the shadows, sees his wife come in with her lover Bill. Once Clive confronts them it is clear his motives are dangerous and when he invites Bill out for a walk to 'discuss things' (it's the middle of the night) Storm is adamant that Bill will be killed. What she doesn't know is that Clive has taken Bill to a secret bunker-type room underground round the corner, and is keeping him chained to the wall. He tells Bill that it's only a matter of time before he disposes of him, but won't say when.

It's incredibly atmospheric and tense, and I love how calm the two men are around each other, nothing like being spurned by your wife for a younger lover and having to keep your cool. Sally Gray is gorgeous and Robert Newton is suitably suave but creepy in equal measures. I watched this years ago and never forgot it.

The House on 56th Street - 1933 ****

The first Kay Francis movie I had ever seen, but it certainly won't be the last. 

Francis plays Peggy, a showgirl who falls desperately in love with a wealthy man named Monte. They move into an extravagant house on 56th street and set about starting a family. However, not long after her daughter is born, Peggy is confronted by an old lover who was spurned by Peggy a while back, resulting in a violent row and the lover dying. Peggy is arrested and sent to jail for a considerable amount of time. During this time her daughter is told that her mother is dead, and Monte is killed during the war. When she is released from jail she gets a job in a gambling house, which with cruel irony is the house she used to live in with Monte. In an even more twisted and tragic irony, her daughter gets herself into horrible trouble at the gambling house, whilst Peggy can only sit back and helplessly watch. 

I found this to be a really enthralling story, and enjoyed watching Kay Francis. She's a very passionate actor and positively lights up the screen with every word she speaks and every look she gives. 

Those We Love - 1932 ***

'For Those We Love' is rather tragic, because for once it shows what can happen when paranoia and suspicion gets too much when really there is nothing going on.
Mary Astor plays May, a pretty and sweet woman who buys the very first copy of a novel published by aspiring author Freddie (Kenneth MacKenna). They fall in love, get married and have a son, but Freddie becomes the object of affection for a desperate neighbour who is unhappy in her own marriage. Ever the gentleman, Freddie resists all her advances. Wrongly believing that Freddie has been unfaithful after coming home early and finding Valerie's coat draped over a chair, May leaves immediately with their son, with no word of an explanation and giving Freddie no chance to explain. This leads him to finally give in and have an affair with Valerie. Very sad really. Wonderful to watch Mary Astor in a role like this whilst being aware of her own colourful and unfaithful personal life where she got through man after man right under her husband's nose; and kept a diary of all her exploits that was eventually published in the newspaper!

(NOIR) The Amazing Dr Clitterhouse - 1938 ***

Affectionately or insultingly (depending on how you look at it) known by Humphrey Bogart as 'The Amazing Dr Clitoris' this is a rather ingenius mixture of film noir, drama and black comedy.

Dr Clitterhouse is a distinguished and well liked doctor, but what many people don't know is that he is fascinated by crime and criminal activity. In fact, he's so fascinated that after a few practice runs of stealing jewellery from posh house he decides to turn to the other end of the spectrum, and become the head of a gang of thieves so that he can 'get inside' the mindset of a criminal.' 

Bogart plays the head criminal of the gang who's nose is put out of joint at the calm, pleasant and general niceness of Dr Clitterhouse. He's also not too pleased that Clitterhouse appears to have stolen half the loot her was hoping to get his hands on and has muscled in on his turf, so to speak. Claire Trevor is the cool, calm fatale of the gang who takes a liking to Clitterhouse, a choice that will get everyone in trouble. 

Edward G. Robinson maybe small in stature but my god he can fill a screen like a veritable Sidney Greenstreet. Always a delight to watch him, and of course Bogie has all eyes on him, although I feel he hasn't got a particularly strong character here to do much with, so really it's just as well he gets his major break into films in a couple of years.

Young Bride - 1932 ***

Helen Twelvetrees is yet again walked all over here, but this time by a poncy idiot who looks like he's wearing too much mascara. Her character Allie, is a timid and shy librarian, who is persuaded by her party-loving friends to go out one evening to try and cheer her up after mourning the death of her mother. Once there, she meets a loutish cad named Charlie, who has ridiculous and unrealistic expectations about life, love and money. When he first tries to seduce her, she refuses which sends him into a rage. But over time she is sweet-talked by him, and eventually succumbs, all the time being told by Charlie that he is on the verge of a big break that will make him rich. When Allie announces that she is pregnant, this doesn't go down well with Charlie, and he does what any pathetic weasel of a man does in a tricky situation - he goes after another woman, leaving Allie devastated. The lead man comes across as being almost identical to a young Jimmy Cagney, which probably boosted his career no end. Twelvetrees is worth a watch alone.

Millie - 1931 ****

Going out on a limb, beautiful redhead Millie marries a prominent businessman, expecting a life of glitter and glamour. By the time she has had a daughter she realises that the life she hoped for will never materialise, and when she discovers that her husband has been playing away, she leaves him, and plunges headfirst into a life of affairs, drinking and careless love. Sadly however, she is always betrayed, let down or disappointed, but things really take a turn for the worse when one of her old flames (a man of now advancing years) makes a pass at her beautiful daughter.

Helen Twelvetrees is a bit of a revelation for me. I had only heard very briefly of her but am amazed how 'modern' her attitude is and how much I like her acting. She has a definite air about her that keeps me mesmerised by ever scene she is in, and she really is very beautiful. Some critic once remarked that she had 'the saddest eyes in all of Hollywood' and although she smiles constantly, you can see exactly what that critic meant. 

Double Harness - 1933 ***

Great fun to discover even more actresses from the 30s I have never heard of before. Ann Harding being another one. I had always assumed that William Powell simply acted with either Loy or Francis, but he actually has pretty good chemistry with Harding in this enjoyable romp. 

After finding out that her sister is about to get married, Joan starts to panic that she will be an old maid forever, and manages to persuades the dashing, philandering John to marry her, without him realising that it's actually just for his considerable wealth. By the time he does discover Joan's true intentions she genuinely has fallen in love with him, but is it too late?

I love William Powell so I'm incredibly biased about this film. It might not be the best plot or the best quality, but it's lovely to see anyway.

Police Patrol - 1933 ***

Madge Bellamy. The name I had often heard but never seen on screen until now. To say she's a cutie is an understatement. She had a quality that mixed Harlow's naughty sex appeal, with Marion Davies and Constance Bennett's sense of humour, added with a touch of Kay Francis. She doesn't have a huge window to show off her talents here, but what she does have she portrays well, and you can't help but stare. Being a famous star of the 20s, it would be fair to say that she is maybe past her peak here, but still enjoyable to watch. She plays a good natured girl named Lil, who has to contend with two cops who both fall for her, and trick each other into getting into trouble in order to keep her. Standard film of it's time, but fun to watch nevertheless. 

The Bedroom Window - 1987 ***

A one night stand between the boss's wife and her lover (who also works for her husband) turns nasty when the woman looks outside and witnesses a horrific attack taking place. The problem is she's not keen on getting involved in any situation that might highlight her infidelity to the police and so refuses to tell anyone what she saw. Instead, her lover volunteers to tell the authorities what happened, but saying he was the one who saw it. That is all very well, but when he is brought in to a surprise line up parade and cannot identify the suspect he described so well, the police start to believe he might actually be not just the culprit, but also the killer of two other women in similar circumstances. 

It's actually not a bad film, and is suitably nail biting in parts as you would suspect. V

Let's Be Cops - 2014 ****

Two friends who are struggling in different areas of their lives dress up as cops for a Halloween fancy dress party - and get mistaken for the real deal. Instead of taking the costumes off right away they decide to have a bit of fun and temporarily stop mediocre crime that they see on the streets. It doesn't just end there however, as they then have to dodge Mafia-esque gangsters, drugs deals, drug addicts and insatiable prostitutes. It's absolutely hilarious and Damon Wayans is a stand-out. You can tell he has crazy brothers in the acting business. I really liked it, and it served itself well as an action packed comedy. Very silly. 

Mom at Sixteen - 2005 ***

16 year old Jacey is a student at school, with one big secret - she has a baby son. So as not to interfere with her studies or life her mother pretends that the infant is hers, with emotional results. It's quite a good movie, and obviously deals with a difficult though relatively common topic with ease, so with that in mind it's another to tick off the Lifetime list. 

The Family - 2013 **

Slow burner about a Mafia family who are put under the witness protection programme in Normandy after the father survives an attempted hit on him after aggravating a rival Mafia boss. It's supposed to be very funny and with De Niro and Pfeiffer surviving 'hilarious' gangster moments at every turn whilst trying to adapt to their new surroundings you would think you were onto a winner but you really aren't. There is 'action' but it feels a bit like the two lead stars are being coerced into acting their roles, without much thought or emotion. No one really seems to want to be there and it shows. I couldn't get excited or attached to any of the characters. 

Sexy Evil Genius - 2013 *

A disturbingly bad thriller, although I would have to call it a bad comedy. A group of men are all summoned to a bar to meet with a woman they have all been in a relationship with in the past. They are asked to arrive at different times, and for different reasons, but ultimately her goal is the same, to do them harm and get her revenge on the way they treated her. It's horribly acted, and the premise is forced, fake and utterly unemotional. Oh, and the lead is neither sexy, nor a genius.

Reclaim - 2014 ****

After finding it impossible to conceive their own child, Steven and Shannon decide to try and adopt a child from the recent Haiti earthquake disaster and go to an adoption organisation in Puerto Rico to do so. They meet with the adoption organiser and are introduced to Nina, a beautiful little girl in need of a good home. They take Nina with them to a hotel where they can finalise the adoption paperwork and all seems to be going well. However, when they wake up the next morning, Nina is gone without a trace, and further searching proves that the adoption agency has also disappeared, along with avast amount of the pair's money. What follows is a nightmarish scenario where the couple are forced to confront the fact that they have become victims of a horrific child trafficking scam , and will need to do whatever it takes to reclaim Nina.

Gripping and incredibly tense, this had me literally on the edge of my seat more than once, and great acting from John Cusack.  

The Wind Rises - 2013 ****

Although a sumptuous and beautifully styled film, we mustn't forget about the actual subject matter. A fitting way to end the career of Studio Ghibli director Hayao Miyazaki, this gorgeous anime focuses on the career of Jiro Horikoshi, the designer of several well known Japanese aircrafts during WWII. It might seem a strange topic for an anime, and although it does make you ponder the remarkable outcome of these flying machines and what they were used for, it's actually a very powerful and heart-warming story. It shows us the intimate relationship Jiro had with his girlfriend-then-wife Nahoko, who sadly contracts tuberculosis, as well as his close friendship with his best friend Kiro, who also designs these planes. (I do understand the controversy with using a warplane designer as the main protagonist, but I don't personally believe that it affects the film in a negative way.)

To top it off, the music is lovely, and really sets the scene. Although I usually despise dubbing in films this was actually done very tastefully, and I could still enjoy the story without getting frustrated at the usual over the top American accents that ruin films like this.

(HORROR) The Paranormal Diaries: Clophill - 2013 **

A documentary team go to Clophill in Bedfordshire to investigate the legend of the covern of witches who supposedly conducted a black mass at the church fifty years ago. It starts off well but then gets so ridiculously boring that even 'scary' parts don't do anything to improve it. The characters are exceedingly unlikeable and when negative things happen to them you just do not care. 

(HORROR) The Woman in Black - 1989 *

This is supposed to be one of the scariest movies of all time etc etc, but having seen the remake, plus many many horror films from 50, 60, 70 years ago i can only say that this was laughable. Everything from the acting, to the lurid green make-up worn by 'The Woman' was just hilarious. To make matters worse, the names and places and some of the finer details of the story have been changed from the novel and end up making the plot more confusing. To top it off it's filmed in a strange coloured filter that gives each shot a peculiar 'surreal' look so it's like being in a dream or an acid trip. Cannot berate myself enough for saying this but it actually makes me miss Daniel Radcliffe's character.

Don't bother with this. 

(HORROR) Find Me - 2014 ***

Run of the mill haunted house movie about a couple who move into a new house (how can people in America afford these huge houses when usually only one of them is employed?) and become the victims of a possessive ghost who likes scribbling notes on the mirror and hovering about in the bathroom in the dark. The acting isn't bad, and the characters are fairly likeable, but the story is too predictable to be scary. 

(HORROR) 7500 - 2014 ***

First off, I don't want to give any spoilers, but the catchphrase on this poster doesn't exactly keep much hidden from the viewer...just sayin'.. A group of people from different backgrounds all board a plane for an overnight flight to Tokyo. Half way through the flight, the plane hits bad turbulence which scares everyone, but soon passes. However it causes one of the passengers to have a panic attack and start bleeding, and then almost immediately he dies. Not wishing to alarm the passengers anymore, the air hostesses move the passengers into economy class seating and place the deceased body in the cordoned off first class. The cabin pressure then drops and scares everyone (again) and so on and so on. It's a pretty good horror ride (snort) but very predictable and some of the characters will start to grate on you after a while. PS it's a bit unfortunate regarding everything that happened with the Malaysian airlines this year and a bit close to the bone to make a film like this, but that's probably easy to disregard once you get in to it. 

Damage - 1992 ***

An erotically charged thriller with Irons and Binoche playing an insatiable couple. A good couple of actors and a good story. Irons is a married minister named Stephen who lives with his wife and young daughter. His oldest son Martyn is an up and coming journalist. One day, Stephen meets Anna at a party and sparks fly immediately. Without truly realising what they are doing, the pair embark on a dangerously sexual affair, which continues even when Martyn brings Anna to the family home some time later as his latest girlfriend. As with many affairs, the need for excitement and danger gets more and more intense, and before long tragedy strikes. I liked this, and always like the two lead stars in films, but it did feel rather as though we were watching two rather mismatched people having sex leading it to appear quite awkward in many scenes, despite the fact that their on screen chemistry is intense. 

(HORROR) Sx_Tape - 2013 *

Dear god what a dire movie. I thought it might be good in a bad way, but actually it was bad in a bad way. 

The first part of the film focuses on an insatiable couple of idiots who have sex all over the place and film it at the same time. Wild or sluttish, I'm not quite sure, but it felt a bit like I was watching a really bad amateur porn movie. The bloke is a filmmaker, the girl is an 'artist' (whatever that means) and they are hoping to find a place to show off her new work. So what better place to go to than an abandoned hospital. Because after all, there's nothing sexier than humping on a gurney or against dry-rot ridden walls. 

Just ridiculous. And the catchphrase 'some tapes shouldn't be made', well yes... I couldn't have said it better myself.

(HORROR) Malignant - 2013 ***

'Malignant' isn't the run of the mill horror movie. It's got certain ingredients in it that are quite original. 

A young man grieving the death of his wife takes up serious drinking. That's bad enough, but when he wakes up after a particularly heavy night of drinking he discovers a videotape showing him murdering someone - and he doesn't have any memory of it at all. It's a bit of a moral tale - someone controlling him in a terrifying experiment designed to control his over-excessive drinking. Every time he drinks, he murders. 

It's rather gripping, and you can't help finding yourself torn between whether you sympathise more with the man or the murdering lunatic. Bottom line, drink is NEVER the answer!

The Captives - 2014 ***

Quite a complex thriller, with Ryan Reynolds playing a distraught father who leaves his daughter temporarily in the car to visit a store and finds that she has disappeared. What surfaces is a terrifying story of cat and mouse as the kidnapper spies on the girl's mother at her place of work and tries to brainwash the daughter into staying with him forever... from underneath the mother's hotel. Rather emotionally acted but with not much of a resolution which is always disappointing. 

Le Week-End - 2013 ***

Masquerading as a comedy, I found 'Le Week-End' to be rather unpleasant. It centres around an aging couple from Birmingham who decide to spend their anniversary back in Paris where they honeymooned three decades ago. All good so far. A few tiffs but nothing major. However as the weekend progresses, the couple become more and more unpleasant towards each other, insulting each other and throwing up grudges that they have kept for years and years. Lindsay Duncan's character in particular seems hellbent on treating her husband as meanly as possible. I had absolutely no feelings for these two characters, except for slight loathing, and really the nicest character was Jeff Goldblum, who 'appears' out of nowhere in a totally unrealistic situation. Beautiful shots of the City of Love however.

Disturbing Behaviour - 1998 ***

Disturbing Behaviour was all the rage when it was released. Sort of a film for loners and people who didn't fit in at school and could relate to the oddballs in these sorts of situations. It was also compared to 'The Stepford Wives' and 'The Faculty' but there are also unique selling points to it as an independent film. 

Starting at a new school is never easy, but for Steve it's downright scary. Making friends with three outsiders, he is informed that the 'Blue Ribbons' (a clique of the best jock-type students) are mysteriously taking part in a special programme that involves the school psychologist which they fear will take over the entire town and make them all perfect, robotic geniuses. It's quite a good movie, the type of film that you can imagine is based on a Stephen King novel.

Une partie de plaisir (A Piece of Pleasure) 1975 ****

This film is marred by tragedy, and irony. 8 years after the film was made, the lead actor was stabbed to death by his second wife. Here he acts alongside his first wife in a tale on infidelity and jealousy. 

To spice things up in an already mediocre marriage, Philippe decides to embark on numerous affairs. He then describes these to his wife Ester expecting her to be excited and interested and keen to do the same. Understandably she isn't, but agrees to go along with his plan to appease him. However, it soon becomes clear that Ester is having rather too much fun and getting too tied up in the affairs she is having, and Philippe is not happy. After all, it was acceptable when HE was having the affairs, but not when his wife is deriving pleasure from hers. Philippe is exceedingly jealous and violent towards Ester, until tragedy strikes.

A well done movie, with a typical Chabrol feel to it. I love how his characters always have an undercurrent of emotion and passion bubbling beneath and threatening to explode. French films are beyond compare when it comes to analyzing relationships and the complexities of the human heart. 

Bad Johnson - 2014 ***

Bad Johnson is every man's nightmare, especially if that man happens to be an egotistical player who constantly uses women for sex. It's quite refreshing to see a film that gives men like that a hard time, as too often they are portrayed like superheros that we should be high-fiving as they bonk one ditzy blonde after the other. Rich is just one of those irritating men. He's a pretty boy, obsessed with his looks and equally as obsessed with sleeping his way around America with all the gusto he can muster. He has a unique excuse for his behaviour however. He blames his penis. In fact, when his current girlfriend whom he is actually serious about finds out he has 'against his will' slept with a woman in her car he can't help but place the blame on his genitalia. To no avail. Going home, he makes a wish; that his penis will disappear so that he can conduct a meaningful relationship without all the hassle of sex. Waking up, he finds that the inevitable has happened; his penis has done a runner, and is seeking refuge behind a bin outside a fast food store. Rich might want his penis back, but his penis has other ideas. Well I could go on,but it gets even more ridiculous after this, so it's best I leave it unspoken. It's very silly. Might be worth a watch anyway.