(HORROR) No one will know - 2012 *

Try not to be utterly put off, or aroused (depending on your gender) by the poster for this film. To be honest the film is bad enough to to put you off all on it's own. 

A woman comes home to find her partner having sex with another woman. Instead of screaming and storming out she grabs a gun (which is conveniently located in the next room) and goes to shoot them both, managing only to shoot her rival. Instead of being apologetic the bloke berates her for getting carried away and blames her for getting them into trouble. What a wonderful, devoted chap. He manages to convince her that the best thing to do is to not call the police but leave the body rolled up in a sheet down in their cellar. Enter infuriating friends who all seem to fancy each other but are restrained by embarrassing dancing and mild alcoholism. So much for a party - a few sexually obsessed adults slow grinding to some horrendous 'dance' music whilst inadvertently trying not to hump each other. 

And so it continues. Don't watch it.  

(HORROR) Smiley - 2012 ***

Legend has it that if you are in an internet chat-room and type 'I did it for the lulz' 3 times the person you are speaking to will be murdered in front of your eyes by a terrifying being wearing a mask. 

When a new student joins the chat-room and she and her friend type this saying as a joke in response to an unknown person online, that person is murdered before their eyes. Soon they are caught up in a horrendous nightmare, with a very strange ending.

I don't mind films based on creepy urban legends so this wasn't too bad, although the person who invented the catchphrase should be strung up.

(HORROR) Wither - 2012 *

'Wither is a very bad movie. It fits all the stereotypes of how bad horror films can be.
A group of friends go to a cabin in Sweden for a fun weekend, but are confronted by a mythical being named a 'Vittra' (English translation is Wither..) which has been living under the house and infecting anyone who comes close by stealing the souls after looking in their eyes, thus leading to rapid death.
It's typical therefore, that the Vittra then comes across some of the most idiotic characters known to man who do everything they SHOULDN'T do in a situation like this and they are easy, predictable pickings.

(HORROR) 12/12/12 - 2012 *

Well done Asylum, you have succeeded in creating another monstrosity for us all to watch. This time we are treated to some wonderful birthing shots and a grown man screaming and running about like a lunatic trying to convince doctors not to induce his wife's baby because it's against her religion.
This sets off a chain or really very silly events where the baby is believed to be responsible for everyone around him dying. It's been done before, so even if it was remotely scary it would be utterly unoriginal.

What Maisie Knew - 2012 ****

Based loosely on the controversial novel by Henry James, this story follows sensitive and good-natured Maisie who is caught in the crossfire of her parents bitter separation. Her mother Susanna is a rebellious, 'living in the past rock' star who spends her life on tour and holding drunken, drug-filled parties in front of Maisie, and her father Beale is a distracted, unassuming yet flaky art dealer who becomes drawn to the maid Margo as means of a quiet contrast from Susanna.
Maisie may be young, but she's very receptive and extremely bright, and soon starts to pick up on her parent's unpleasant attitudes and name calling, putting her in a horrible situation where she is torn between them, and as time goes on, by their new partners who seem to show her more kindness and consideration than both her parents put together.
Onata Aprile is possibly the most adorable child who has ever graced the screen, and plays her part beautifully. It's almost painful to watch her having to see her parents be so nasty to each other.
Worth a watch for anyone who has been a child of divorce.