(HORROR) The Paranormal Diaries: Clophill - 2013 **

A documentary team go to Clophill in Bedfordshire to investigate the legend of the covern of witches who supposedly conducted a black mass at the church fifty years ago. It starts off well but then gets so ridiculously boring that even 'scary' parts don't do anything to improve it. The characters are exceedingly unlikeable and when negative things happen to them you just do not care. 

(HORROR) The Woman in Black - 1989 *

This is supposed to be one of the scariest movies of all time etc etc, but having seen the remake, plus many many horror films from 50, 60, 70 years ago i can only say that this was laughable. Everything from the acting, to the lurid green make-up worn by 'The Woman' was just hilarious. To make matters worse, the names and places and some of the finer details of the story have been changed from the novel and end up making the plot more confusing. To top it off it's filmed in a strange coloured filter that gives each shot a peculiar 'surreal' look so it's like being in a dream or an acid trip. Cannot berate myself enough for saying this but it actually makes me miss Daniel Radcliffe's character.

Don't bother with this. 

(HORROR) Find Me - 2014 ***

Run of the mill haunted house movie about a couple who move into a new house (how can people in America afford these huge houses when usually only one of them is employed?) and become the victims of a possessive ghost who likes scribbling notes on the mirror and hovering about in the bathroom in the dark. The acting isn't bad, and the characters are fairly likeable, but the story is too predictable to be scary. 

(HORROR) 7500 - 2014 ***

First off, I don't want to give any spoilers, but the catchphrase on this poster doesn't exactly keep much hidden from the viewer...just sayin'.. A group of people from different backgrounds all board a plane for an overnight flight to Tokyo. Half way through the flight, the plane hits bad turbulence which scares everyone, but soon passes. However it causes one of the passengers to have a panic attack and start bleeding, and then almost immediately he dies. Not wishing to alarm the passengers anymore, the air hostesses move the passengers into economy class seating and place the deceased body in the cordoned off first class. The cabin pressure then drops and scares everyone (again) and so on and so on. It's a pretty good horror ride (snort) but very predictable and some of the characters will start to grate on you after a while. PS it's a bit unfortunate regarding everything that happened with the Malaysian airlines this year and a bit close to the bone to make a film like this, but that's probably easy to disregard once you get in to it. 

Damage - 1992 ***

An erotically charged thriller with Irons and Binoche playing an insatiable couple. A good couple of actors and a good story. Irons is a married minister named Stephen who lives with his wife and young daughter. His oldest son Martyn is an up and coming journalist. One day, Stephen meets Anna at a party and sparks fly immediately. Without truly realising what they are doing, the pair embark on a dangerously sexual affair, which continues even when Martyn brings Anna to the family home some time later as his latest girlfriend. As with many affairs, the need for excitement and danger gets more and more intense, and before long tragedy strikes. I liked this, and always like the two lead stars in films, but it did feel rather as though we were watching two rather mismatched people having sex leading it to appear quite awkward in many scenes, despite the fact that their on screen chemistry is intense. 

(HORROR) Sx_Tape - 2013 *

Dear god what a dire movie. I thought it might be good in a bad way, but actually it was bad in a bad way. 

The first part of the film focuses on an insatiable couple of idiots who have sex all over the place and film it at the same time. Wild or sluttish, I'm not quite sure, but it felt a bit like I was watching a really bad amateur porn movie. The bloke is a filmmaker, the girl is an 'artist' (whatever that means) and they are hoping to find a place to show off her new work. So what better place to go to than an abandoned hospital. Because after all, there's nothing sexier than humping on a gurney or against dry-rot ridden walls. 

Just ridiculous. And the catchphrase 'some tapes shouldn't be made', well yes... I couldn't have said it better myself.

(HORROR) Malignant - 2013 ***

'Malignant' isn't the run of the mill horror movie. It's got certain ingredients in it that are quite original. 

A young man grieving the death of his wife takes up serious drinking. That's bad enough, but when he wakes up after a particularly heavy night of drinking he discovers a videotape showing him murdering someone - and he doesn't have any memory of it at all. It's a bit of a moral tale - someone controlling him in a terrifying experiment designed to control his over-excessive drinking. Every time he drinks, he murders. 

It's rather gripping, and you can't help finding yourself torn between whether you sympathise more with the man or the murdering lunatic. Bottom line, drink is NEVER the answer!

The Captives - 2014 ***

Quite a complex thriller, with Ryan Reynolds playing a distraught father who leaves his daughter temporarily in the car to visit a store and finds that she has disappeared. What surfaces is a terrifying story of cat and mouse as the kidnapper spies on the girl's mother at her place of work and tries to brainwash the daughter into staying with him forever... from underneath the mother's hotel. Rather emotionally acted but with not much of a resolution which is always disappointing. 

Le Week-End - 2013 ***

Masquerading as a comedy, I found 'Le Week-End' to be rather unpleasant. It centres around an aging couple from Birmingham who decide to spend their anniversary back in Paris where they honeymooned three decades ago. All good so far. A few tiffs but nothing major. However as the weekend progresses, the couple become more and more unpleasant towards each other, insulting each other and throwing up grudges that they have kept for years and years. Lindsay Duncan's character in particular seems hellbent on treating her husband as meanly as possible. I had absolutely no feelings for these two characters, except for slight loathing, and really the nicest character was Jeff Goldblum, who 'appears' out of nowhere in a totally unrealistic situation. Beautiful shots of the City of Love however.

Disturbing Behaviour - 1998 ***

Disturbing Behaviour was all the rage when it was released. Sort of a film for loners and people who didn't fit in at school and could relate to the oddballs in these sorts of situations. It was also compared to 'The Stepford Wives' and 'The Faculty' but there are also unique selling points to it as an independent film. 

Starting at a new school is never easy, but for Steve it's downright scary. Making friends with three outsiders, he is informed that the 'Blue Ribbons' (a clique of the best jock-type students) are mysteriously taking part in a special programme that involves the school psychologist which they fear will take over the entire town and make them all perfect, robotic geniuses. It's quite a good movie, the type of film that you can imagine is based on a Stephen King novel.

Une partie de plaisir (A Piece of Pleasure) 1975 ****

This film is marred by tragedy, and irony. 8 years after the film was made, the lead actor was stabbed to death by his second wife. Here he acts alongside his first wife in a tale on infidelity and jealousy. 

To spice things up in an already mediocre marriage, Philippe decides to embark on numerous affairs. He then describes these to his wife Ester expecting her to be excited and interested and keen to do the same. Understandably she isn't, but agrees to go along with his plan to appease him. However, it soon becomes clear that Ester is having rather too much fun and getting too tied up in the affairs she is having, and Philippe is not happy. After all, it was acceptable when HE was having the affairs, but not when his wife is deriving pleasure from hers. Philippe is exceedingly jealous and violent towards Ester, until tragedy strikes.

A well done movie, with a typical Chabrol feel to it. I love how his characters always have an undercurrent of emotion and passion bubbling beneath and threatening to explode. French films are beyond compare when it comes to analyzing relationships and the complexities of the human heart. 

Bad Johnson - 2014 ***

Bad Johnson is every man's nightmare, especially if that man happens to be an egotistical player who constantly uses women for sex. It's quite refreshing to see a film that gives men like that a hard time, as too often they are portrayed like superheros that we should be high-fiving as they bonk one ditzy blonde after the other. Rich is just one of those irritating men. He's a pretty boy, obsessed with his looks and equally as obsessed with sleeping his way around America with all the gusto he can muster. He has a unique excuse for his behaviour however. He blames his penis. In fact, when his current girlfriend whom he is actually serious about finds out he has 'against his will' slept with a woman in her car he can't help but place the blame on his genitalia. To no avail. Going home, he makes a wish; that his penis will disappear so that he can conduct a meaningful relationship without all the hassle of sex. Waking up, he finds that the inevitable has happened; his penis has done a runner, and is seeking refuge behind a bin outside a fast food store. Rich might want his penis back, but his penis has other ideas. Well I could go on,but it gets even more ridiculous after this, so it's best I leave it unspoken. It's very silly. Might be worth a watch anyway.

The Fold - 2013 ** 1/2

After losing her daughter, a vulnerable and emotional priest tries to replicate her family with a mentally scarred migrant worker named Radka who she takes a shine to after agreeing to teach her English at a youth centre. Their relationship starts off amicably but then becomes far too intense and sets alarm bells ringing at the centre. The acting is good but you can't help find both characters rather unlikeable and in the end don't really care what happens to either of them. Quite interesting to see the delicate topic from the perspective of a religious character but not much else.

(HORROR) No one will know - 2012 *

Try not to be utterly put off, or aroused (depending on your gender) by the poster for this film. To be honest the film is bad enough to to put you off all on it's own. 

A woman comes home to find her partner having sex with another woman. Instead of screaming and storming out she grabs a gun (which is conveniently located in the next room) and goes to shoot them both, managing only to shoot her rival. Instead of being apologetic the bloke berates her for getting carried away and blames her for getting them into trouble. What a wonderful, devoted chap. He manages to convince her that the best thing to do is to not call the police but leave the body rolled up in a sheet down in their cellar. Enter infuriating friends who all seem to fancy each other but are restrained by embarrassing dancing and mild alcoholism. So much for a party - a few sexually obsessed adults slow grinding to some horrendous 'dance' music whilst inadvertently trying not to hump each other. 

And so it continues. Don't watch it.  

(HORROR) Smiley - 2012 ***

Legend has it that if you are in an internet chat-room and type 'I did it for the lulz' 3 times the person you are speaking to will be murdered in front of your eyes by a terrifying being wearing a mask. 

When a new student joins the chat-room and she and her friend type this saying as a joke in response to an unknown person online, that person is murdered before their eyes. Soon they are caught up in a horrendous nightmare, with a very strange ending.

I don't mind films based on creepy urban legends so this wasn't too bad, although the person who invented the catchphrase should be strung up.

(HORROR) Honeymoon - 2014 ***

Darkly surreal horror about a newly married couple who decide to honeymoon in the wife's father's cabin. Soon however she begins to display disturbing behaviour including sleepwalking and having no knowledge of doing so, writing down important facts in her diary and refusing to touch her husband. 

Events soon take a shocking turn. 

Absolutely surreal and strange. Definitely original. HO

Rabbit Hole - 2010 ****

Powerful and emotionally acted drama about a husband and wife who have to come to terms with the tragic death of their young son whilst keeping their crumbling marriage alive. Struggling to cope, they turn away from each other at the worst possible time and find solace in others; he in a woman from the local support group and she, bizarrely in the boy who ran over her son. His only way to remain sane is to create a comic book, named 'Rabbit Hole'. 

Kidman and Eckhart are excellent together, and the tension is so real you can cut the air with a knife.

(HORROR) When Night Falls - 2007 *

'When Night Falls' is a horrifically bad horror film from New Zealand. It revolves around two nurses, one is sluttish and arrogant, the second is homely and desperate to do the right thing, who are looking after a bed bound man in his huge house and hear on the radio that there is an escaped maniac on the loose who could be coming near the house to kill them. So they of course do all the stupid things that women in these horror films do, such as making too much noise, arguing with each other and not being aware of open doors, windows and other places a lunatic could enter. There is a twist, but as usual it's fairly predictable and doesn't help the film in any positive way. Just bad all round. 

360 - 2011 ****1/2

Emotionally complex and grippingly acted thriller about a group of people from different backgrounds who are all connected in the most intense way possible. Stellar acting and some big names top this intelligently woven film. It's artistic and exceedingly well done. 

Michael and Rose are a couple whose separate jobs lead to separate lives and both emotional and mental affairs. Rose is having a passionate affair with a man named Rui. John befriends a feisty girl named Laura at an airport whom he takes a paternal view of when taking an important flight. She in turn puts herself in danger befriending a newly bailed sex attacker. A young girl named Mirka takes her life in her hands when she agrees to become an escort, and one of her first clients happens to be Michael. Laura cannot take any more of her husband Rui's sneaky behaviour, without realising that his mistress is Rose. 

It's just utterly brilliant and hugely taut and tense. Must be watched.