The Mad Ghoul - 1943 ***

 

A spate of horror films from Universal studies produced a handful of rather good entries that would give Hammer Horror a run for their money. 'The Mad Ghoul' was one such movie, nerve wracking, strange and downright eerie. Dr Morris is curious about the effects of nerve gas which he learned was used in ancient rituals of dissecting bodies. A young student of his named Ted offers to help him test his theories and experiment on animals. Ted's mind is not completely on his work however, and is instead taken up with his beautiful girlfriend Isabel. Isabel is not as enamoured with Ted as he would like to think sadly, and confides in Dr Morris that the relationship is going sour. After this intense heart-to-heart talk, Dr Morris realises he has fallen for Isabel, and finds Ted might be the only solution.

Creepy film! Worth a watch.

Luxury Liner - 1933 **

 

'Luxury Liner' could be seen as a poor man's 'Grand Hotel', but doesn't have nearly as much class or glamour to live up to it's name. The story of a group of people who's lives entwine and change during the course of the trip is a rather weak one. George Brent isn't too bad as the jilted husband with a violent streak, and Alice White is rather cute as Milli, the girl who desperately wants to be up on the 1st class deck, but instead is stuck in 3rd class.

The film is has a rather weak anti-climax at the end, and I'm not sure the director thought it through properly. But never mind, there are definitely worse films.

Before I Hang - 1940 ****

 

                                'Before I Hang' sees Boris Karloff as elderly Dr Garth imprisoned for poisoning a patient of his, having originally hoped to reverse the aging process on him, with tragic results.

Once inside the jail, he is sentenced to die within 2 weeks, but allowed to use the prison laboratory up until that point to work on his miracle elixir.

As his judgement day draws closer, Dr Garth decides to test his elixir on himself, without realising he has tainted himself with the blood of a dangerous murderer at the same time. This sets him on a terrifying rampage that no one is able to stop.

Karloff is good in this, and has a suitably Jekyll/Hyde personality to fit his character. Creepy stuff.

In the Bedroom - 2001 **

 

'In the Bedroom' cannot be considered a masterpiece. It is fairly dull in some areas, followed by sudden moments that make you gasp. It follows the lives and relationships of various people all connected, as well as the trials, violent domestic acts, tribulations and infidelities they face. The finale is a tragedy for everyone concerned. I thought the cast was pretty good, but there is no way I would call it 'The Best American Film this Year.'

Heroes for Sale - 1933 ***

 

A rather morbid one to watch, but important as it is part of the 'Forbidden Hollywood' series of movies that slipped through the Hayes Code net in the early 30s. It was wonderful to see my first ever Richard Barthelmess offering regardless of the plot..

Tom is a wounded soldier from WW1 who is finding his new reality in the middle of a Depression-era state very uninviting. He finds it impossible to work, no one will take him on, and his friends have turned their backs on him. Added to which, he has developed a serious addiction to morphine which has turned him into a very hardened character. Luckily, Tom finds a way to beat his addiction and ends up in Chicago working in a launderette and settled down with a lovely woman. But tensions in Chicago never stay buried for long, and soon Tom is balancing precariously on the edge once again, fearing for his job, his relationship and his general wellbeing.

I found the subject matter rather depressing, and wish that I had seen Barthelmess in something more light-hearted, but nevertheless it showed his character and the sort of actor he can be.

(NOIR) Fall Guy - 1947 ****

 

                                                  'Fall Guy' is a surprisingly good movie, with a good twist, a steady plot and an appearance from my old favourite Elisha Cook, Jr.

Tom Cochrane is in a bit of a bind - he's woken up after a late night out drinking and is promptly arrested for the murder of a woman at the same bar. The thing is, he doesn't have any memory of murdering or hurting said woman, and things get weirder when he is bailed out of jail by his girlfriend's brother, and they see the dead woman walking down the street. Added to which, the man he spent time with in the bar has no record of him. Is he going mad? Or delusional? Or something else more sinister? Cue a peculiar story that I really enjoyed.

(HORROR) Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers) - 1988 ***

 

A film that made me laugh more than scream, I was so amused by this it was unreal. I wouldn't even class this as a horror myself, more as a black comedy, because there was nothing in it that worried me or made me panic about being on my own in the dark afterwards. Added to which, if Gunnar Hansen feels he can be in a film like this then it's going to be most amusing. It's like when Robert England ends up in horror films - they are normally awful.

A private eye is hired to track down a teenage runaway named Linnea but ends up stumbling into a cult of chainsaw loving prostitutes who murder on behalf of their 'master'.

It sounds a bit twisted but it's so funny!

(NOIR) Fear in the Night - 1947 ****

 

'Fear In the Night' was a rather nifty little B-noir. It did well, had a decent plot, but was only really let down by it's ending. Still, it was a very short film and to give the director credit there was a lot was crammed into the 72 minutes.

A meek and mild bank clerk named Vince has a horrifying dream that he has murdered a man in a locked room full of mirrors whilst a woman he doesn't know is breaking into a safe. Concerned by this dream, the clerk cannot shake the thought in his mind that he might've really hurt someone, but decides to try and turn his mind to other matters as there is no proof of any accident. He goes off for the day with some of his family and they become isolated at an old mansion because of a torrential thunderstorm. Exploring the house, Vince realises with dread that the mirrored room does exist, and it is all too familiar to him.

The 'nightmare coming true' scenario is always a popular idea for a film, and noir in particular uses this in a number of their productions. Even with a resolution it doesn't make it any less terrifying, and despite the bad quality of the film, I found it to be worth my time.

(HORROR) Horror Hospital - 1973 **

 

You can tell from the horrible poster that 'Horror Hospital' isn't going to be of the best quality. And you would be correct. The only thing that made it vaguely memorable was the presence of Robin Asquith as the geeky, walking fashion disaster, wannabe musician who ends up at a health resort after following a pretty girl off the train (and getting her pants off in record breaking time) and uncovers a load of lunatics in the middle of a scientific experiment to brainwash the residents of the resort into being totally submissive to their ever command. This is definitely a B movie and as far as I'm concerned there was nothing 'scary' about it. I am surprised someone like Dennis Price would lend his name to this rubbish but equally nonplussed that Robin Asquith would. Was also slightly nauseated by the hideously shot sex scene 15 minutes into the movie between Asquith and his new lady friend - it was like watching through a changing room mirror and having everything highlighted and illuminated...

The Hitch Hiker - 1953 ****

 

The Hitchhiker is one of those little known films that leaves you feeling pretty tense inside after the credits roll. It's an absurdly simple plot, and it only has one actor that anyone might've heard of before, yet it's exceedingly good.

2 pals off for a weekend fishing trip get the fright of their lives when the hitcher that they pick up turns out to be a ruthless serial killer in the middle of his murderous spree. There is no way the killer is letting the two friends go, and due to his defective eye that never closes, it seems impossible for the men to make a run for it without him catching and shooting them. The film is a battle of wits between the 2 men and their captor, and comes to a terrifying climax at the end scene. Very frightening in my opinion.

Marriage on the Rocks - 1965 ****

 

Val and Dan have been married for 19 years, but during this time Dan has become rather distant in his affection to Val and also pretty dull and uninteresting. Val is desperate for excitement in her relationship and after a while she can't take anymore and wants to get divorced. Dan is devastated and turns to his best pal Ernie for comfort. Despite Ernie regularly congratulating Dan on his practical and comfortable life and stating how jealous he is of this lifestyle he is actually a booze swizzling, floosy chasing bachelor who adores single life and wouldn't change it for anything. Egged on by Ernie's suggestion to whisk Valerie away for a second honeymoon to Mexico, Dan then realises he has to rush back to work at the last minute to save his company from collapsing, but doesn't have time to tell Val. Ernie volunteers to go to Mexico to explain it all to her and... you can guess what happens... I thought it was very funny, a great cast and all the actors were chosen as the right characters to play them. Sinatra can be very amusing, and you can tell he and Dean are great chums off screen. Kerr is just lovely and so elegant in every single way.

The Notorious Landlandy - 1962 ***

 

Bit of a shock to see an aging Fred Astaire in such a 'risque' film as this, but lovely to see Novak looking all beautiful, and Lemmon being his usual goofy self. Carly can't get anyone to rent a room in her house after her husband mysteriously disappears because everyone thinks she had something to do with it. Enter gormless William Gridley, just flown in from America and completely out of the loop with anything murder or disappearance related. Finding this room in such a lovely apartment is like a dream come true for him and he jumps at the chance, having no idea he might be in the same building as a suspected killer. His boss Franklyn is furious that he has got himself in this predicament, that is until he actually meets Carly...

Silly fluff, not a bad film really.

The Bride Walks Out - 1936 ***

 

One day I might've seen all Barbara Stanwyck's movies, but I fear I still have far to go as she has an outstandingly large back catalogue and that is both terrifying and exciting!

Barbara plays Carolyn, an independent and headstrong gal working as a fashion model who is entranced by Michael, an engineer with hardly any money who happens to say all the right things to her. On a whim, they decide to get married, but soon after Carolyn realises that Michael is utterly useless with money, doesn't save and spends what they don't have. To make matters worse, he convinced her to give up the job she loved, and they are now living on a shoestring of his meagre earnings and she is barely seeing a penny. But when you are in financial difficulty, sometimes people appear out of the blue to make things better, and this is what happens. The only problem is, the person that appears to offer financial support is her old love, romantic playboy Hugh who is still besotted by her and willing to do anything to make her happy. It doesn't take long for Carolyn to start wondering whether her marriage was a bad idea, and she is becoming increasingly fond of Hugh again. It's not going to end happily for anyone.

Good film, love Stanwyck.

The Blue Lamp - 1950 ****

 

'The Blue Lamp' was a film always recommended by my dad, I think partly because it's a good film, and partly because it shows the loyalty of the policed force in the 1950s, and the lengths they will go to help and avenge each other.

A new and rather inexperienced policeman named Andy is paired up with an old reliable policeman named George, and they both go out on their beat together so Andy can pick up tips and learn the tricks of the trade. However, what they aren't counting on is being caught in the middle of a dangerous robbery that goes terribly wrong. As a result of this, George is dreadfully wounded, and although he is only a new recruit, Andy takes it upon himself to search for and track down the men responsible for putting George in hospital.

Dirk Bogarde plays a bad character which is always a bit of a change, and Jack Warner was a staple in 1950s crime dramas so it's always nice to see him.

Worth a watch to see the difference in police law and the process of catching criminals as opposed to now.

 

(HORROR) The Visit - 2015 ***

 

2 children head off to meet their maternal grandparents for the first time but get a shock when they discover some terrifying truths surrounding the couple.

Considering the time we have had to wait for Shyamalan to release another film I was really expecting that I would enjoy it more. Instead, it feels like all found footage type horror movies, that the premise seems good and then it turns into the biggest let-down. I'm not saying it's an awful film, because there are certainly parts that make you jump, it just feels altogether like it's not been put together very well.

For one thing, it seems rather strange to me that you would send your two young kids off on a train to be met by your parents without either going with them or assuring that the children know who they are or who is meeting them. For another, there is a weird situation going on between the mother and her parents whereby she hasn't spoken to them properly for at least a decade after a falling out, and therefore it would seem peculiar to then send your children to stay with them.

The grandparents themselves are obviously very strange. The grandfather is forgetful and incontinent, and the grandmother wanders about in the middle of the night with what appears to be the onset of dementia. Not a hugely safe environment for your children, but there you go. When the 'twist' comes out, it's a shock but also a disappointment. Be warned.

(HORROR) A Taste of Evil - 1971 ****

 

After spending seven years in an asylum after being raped when she was a child Susan is welcomed back to her family home with open arms by her mother Miriam. Miriam is now in a volatile relationship with an alcoholic named Harold whom Susan quickly suspecting is stalking her around the house and gardens near where the attack happened. Things however are not what they seem, and Susan soon realises that she cannot trust anyone.

A rather gritty and gripping little thriller, very enjoyable, easy to watch and downright scary!

(HORROR) Something Wicked - 2014 **

 

The ultimate tragedy is not that this film was horrifically bad, but that Brittany Murphy looked so close to death during the filming. Despite the release date of 2014 this film was actually made in 2009 but was put on the shelf for a number of years whilst the director decided whether it should be released. It's not hard to see why it was so hard to decide.

The story centres around a young couple, Christine and James, who have decided to get married when a tragic accident leaves Christine without her parents. The couple make the decision to go ahead with the wedding they have planned, but as the day gets closer, Christina becomes terrified that someone is stalking her.

The premise sounds a lot better than the film actually is, and Murphy spoils it with her drugged up, wooden performance.

 

Anna Nicole - 2013 ***

 

Agnes Bruckner does a fantastic performance of Anna Nicole Smith here, in some ways even more realistically than Anna herself ever did. The story is tough going, about Anna's troubled upbringing, her experience of stripping, right through until her marriage to octogenarian Harold Marshall. It also chronicles her dependence on drugs, her relationship with her son and her out of control demeanour that ultimately takes a toll on her. Hard not to find ANS's story very sad and disturbing, but one must remember that despite her obsession with being a celebrity she was effectively catapulted into a life of fame and fortune without really knowing how to deal with it, and therefore ending up paying the ultimate price. Worth a watch.

(HORROR) Dark Summer - 2015 *

 

Another horror film that has such a scary poster it lulls you into a false sense of security thinking you are about to see a great picture. The movie itself is pretty rubbish, and like so many others of it's genre. Daniel is a troubled 17 year old under house arrest for the obsessive stalking of his unrequited love Mona. However, what he doesn't count on is that Mona will be keeping track of his whereabouts, with terrifying results for both him and his two friends.

It's exceedingly badly done, and I really didn't enjoy this.

Dames - 1934 **

 

Joan Blondell is a rather hard actress to decipher. I find her amusing and infuriating in equal measures, and here she continues to display all the traits that make her a complete pain to watch. She definitely didn't have the beauty of Jean Harlow, or the wit of Carole Lombard, and it seems strange that she was so popular. But that is a personal opinion. Dick Powell was also rather popular during the early 30s, and I honestly can't see the appeal. His talent was being flashy and brusque which fit rather well in the Busby Berkley-esque style of this film, that and the quite frankly garish musical numbers, which include Blondell screeching along to 'Then Girl at the Ironing Board', and Powell imploring Ruby Keeler to 'Try to see it My Way.' This is no 'Fred and Ginger' production, neither in style, nor in actor nor in song. Apart from the odd scene, overall this doesn't feature highly on my list of likeable films.

My Woman - 1933 **

 

Such a disappointing movie. Helen Twelvetrees is so beautiful and funny ordinarily, but I found her entire performance drained and uninspiring. Wallace Ford was below par here too, which was a crying shame, as usually his work is excellent.

Connie is a stunning singer and dancer, eager to get a big break for her untalented and arrogant husband Chick. In doing so she makes friends with a radio executive named John, who seems to find the good in Chick that no one else can. When Chick becomes famous, he abandons Connie, and she finds support in John. A rather poor and pointless film.

(HORROR) Body Bags - 1992 ****

 

I don't think I have ever seen such a good cast in a horror film before! John Carpenter heads up this terrifying trio of gruesome tales, with appearances from Wes Craven, Sam Raimi, Roger Corman, Tobe Hooper and even Twiggy! We visit a gas station in the middle of the night, where a serial killer is stalking a young girl. Next is a man obsessed with growing a thick head of hair, regardless of how much it will take over his life. Third is the story of a man who loses his eye in a tragic accident, and is given a replacement eye from a murderer, killed in the gas chamber - what will he see?

I genuinely thought this was a great film, it was just the right length, the acting was good, it was deliciously scary but also very dry and amusing. Very worthwhile.

(HORROR) Pin: A Plastic Nightmare - 1988 ****

 

Ursula and Leon have grown up alongside their father's obsessive relationship with his plastic mannequin named 'Pin' (short for Pinocchio). The father makes Pin talk, and uses this technique to belittle and put down his children, particularly his son. When both their parents die tragically, the children are left the house, and as a result, are lumbered with Pin. Ursula can't stand the doll, but Leon slowly becomes more and more besotted with him, throwing his voice and pretending to be Pin, and demanding that his sister respect the doll, and talk to it like you would any adult. When Ursula finds herself a decent boyfriend named Stan, Leon immediately insists that he is invited over for dinner, and gets to meet 'Pin' for himself... Such a creepy film, and rather well done for late 80s, I enjoyed it, and found the build-up of tension and suspense was layered on just right.

Trainwreck - 2015 **

 

'Trainwreck' is pretty much typical American humour. It's too over the top, and although there are some aspects that might make you snigger, overall it's just embarrassing. This Amy Schumer has suddenly appeared on television as the new 'funny girl' when in fact she's not in the slightest. The idea of the film is that a girl who believes that commitment and monogamy don't really exist since her father drilled this philosophy into her when she was young. She then starts to fall in love for the first time with someone. Isn't that utterly hilarious? No, exactly.

She's actually rather too mannish and downright gross a lot of the time to be amusing. The guy playing her love interest is the most unlikely sort of person that would break her 'relationship drought.' It's just stupid really. Then again, I didn't care much for 'Bridesmaids'.

Cloudburst - 1951 ****

 

Another wonderfully hidden gem! I love it when that happens! I happened to find this film on a very old DVD at the back of my cupboard. What a treat!

John is an expert code breaker. He lives happily with his pregnant wife Carol until one evening when tragedy strikes and Carol is killed in a hit and run.

John is rather calm in the days after Carol's death, and welcomes the arrival of his relatives to look after him at home, when in fact he is secretly plotting a way to find the perpetrators and kill them the same way they callously killed his wife. Will he track them down? And if he commits a crime, will he himself be punished?

The suspense in this is thrilling, and the length is just right. It leaves you wanting more, without feeling rushed, or too long. Robert Preston was excellent and put on a really heart-felt performance. Really, really enjoyed it.

(HORROR) Ginger Snaps - 2000 ****

 

I'd wanted to see 'Ginger Snaps' for years, and only now got a chance to watch it. I personally loved it. I found the acting was gritty and very raw, the story was original and the attitude from the two girls towards the other characters was incredibly cool! One of those films I probably should've seen when I was going through my teenage angst-filled days. Probably the first film depicting a werewolf that got everyone very excited I would think. Worth a watch as it really has become quite a cult movie, and I can't wait to see the sequels. PS Katharine Isabelle is surprisingly beautiful!

(HORROR) Cassadaga - 2011 **

 

Another rather rubbish excuse for a horror film. Roger Ebert even reviewed it stating it was 'obsessed with grisly parts and not much else' which I think sums it up quite nicely. A young deaf woman attempts to communicate with the spirit of her dead sister during a séance, but accidently speaks to a murdered woman. There are countless amounts of gore, and a rather weak story.

(HORROR) Blood Diner - 1987 *

 

Awfully produced horror about two brothers who operate a roadside diner, killing people and using their body parts to make the food. The two brothers are brainwashed by their uncle and told that they must create a fantasy woman using different body parts that they can use as a sacrifice to an ancient deity. One of those films where you feel you have missed a lot when in fact it's just utter rubbish from start to finish. It's such a badly filmed movie it doesn't really even warrant a star.

Ten Cents a Dance - 1931 ***

 

Barbara has a rather demeaning job working at a dance hall being paid 10 cents to dance with various men for the length of one song. She does a favour for her neighbour Eddie whom she has a soft spot for but has also caught the eye of a wealthy admirer named Bradley who wants to lavish her with gifts and money. Eddie is rather fond of gambling however despite marrying Barbara and attempting to be a good husband he has racked up a lot of debt and been unfaithful. Barbara, feeling she has nowhere to turn, confides in Bradley...

Rather well done, and I especially enjoyed the theme tune, so catchy!

Cake - 2014 ****

 

'Cake' is such a difficult film to watch, mainly because its a rather raw topic, and also partly because it's incredibly easy to fall under the spell of becoming addicted to prescription medication. This is what happens to Claire, who finds she can't go a day without taking a constant supply of tablets for the chronic pain she suffers after being involved in a tragic accident that killed her son. She goes to a support group for fellow pain sufferers, but this doesn't really seem to work, especially when a member of the group named Nina commits suicide not long after she joins. Claire then begins on a troubling journey to try to find herself again, and also starts seeing visions of Nina everywhere she goes. This prompts her to approach Nina's widow to find out the answers as to why Nina chose to die.

Jennifer Aniston has proved that she can really act here, and I thought her choice to film the whole movie without any makeup was a strong choice. She puts a lot of heart and passion into her scenes, and before long you genuinely believe that it's Aniston with the chronic pain. Very bleak, but exceedingly well done. I enjoyed it as much as I could've under the miserable circumstances.

(HORROR) Satan's School for Girls - 1973 *

 

Such an awful movie, this has all the hallmarks of a film you shouldn't waste any time on whatsoever, so how come it is ranked so highly among horror buffs?

After her sister supposedly commits suicide, Elizabeth immediately goes to her school to try to find out the real reason behind her mysterious death. It all seems very strange however, and none of the girls really want to give much away about her sister, which should in itself set alarm bells ringing. It bumbles along for the rest of the movie, slightly embarrassed by itself and amazed it has even been made. Not worth a watch by any standards.

Double Bunk - 1961 **

 

This was just utterly ridiculous. Totally Sid James. Always guarantees a bit of a laugh though. What makes it even more hilarious is the aptly named 'Double Bunk' theme tune sung lewdly by Sid James and Liz Fraser. It's like a karaoke nightmare.

Simple story - 2 newlyweds buy an old houseboat with the intention of doing it up and throwing glamorous parties on board. With the help of an old friend named Sid (what a surprise) and his 'bit of stuff' they plan a trip to Ramsgate through the Thames and end up in France by mistake. What a laugh. Snort. I think Sid James is great, but even he couldn't do a huge amount with this messy script.

Break of Hearts - 1935 ***

 

Oh I really did enjoy this. I love Charles Boyer and although Katherine H can be a complete pain in a lot of her work she complemented him extremely well. I found myself desperate for the two of them to stay together.

Roberti is a famous conductor and a bit of a ladies man to put it mildly. It is a rare occurrence for an evening to pass without him in the company of a beautiful woman. When he meets Constance she isn't exactly the stunner you would expect him to go for (no offence Miss Hepburn) but she loves him dearly and respects and adores his work, and he in turn loves her free spirit and humour.

Despite the fact that Roberti has given up his philandering ways, Constance cannot help but think the worst when she spots him out at a nightclub with another woman. She immediately leaves him, and this causes him to completely crumble into a depression that no one can get him out of. Will she go back to him? Charles Boyer is one of the gentlest actors I have seen on the screen, so to watch him in a series of painful scenes is too much to bear.

Home Sweet Hell - 2015 ***

 

A rather clever film that doesn't seem to want to stick to a particular genre, and masquerades itself as a dark comedy/drama. Don Champagne seems to have it all, a beautiful wife, 2 doting children, a perfect house and a job that is going exceedingly well.

In reality however his wife Mona is anything but perfect, she's a jealous lunatic who makes Don's life a misery if he doesn't conform to her crazy OCD rules that she sets him. She schedules sex in the calendar and makes Don read through their book of goals every night before bed. Soon this becomes too much for him, and when he claps eyes on his beautiful new employee Dusty, he can't help but fanstasise what if. The only trouble is, if Mona finds out about this liaison there are no levels she won't stoop to.

Heigl portrays a crazy wife exceedingly well here, and I liked to see Patrick Wilson in a bit of a softer, fluffy role that he has been previously known for. A good effort.

Lonely Wives - 1931 ****1/2

 

It's such a lovely thing for a film obsessive when you stumble across a film you have NEVER heard of, with an actor you LOVE, and a film that quickly takes place on your top 20 favourite films list.

Edward Everett Horton does a spectacular job portraying 2 identical men, creating a myriad of belly laughs as he plays married, womanising lawyer Richard and identical comedian Richard.

Richard appears dedicated to his wife, but actually he's rather keen on seducing women as quickly and as discreetly as possible. Obviously this doesn't really cast him in the best light, so when a chance encounter with a comedic doppelgänger means he can 'slip under the net' and go about his cheating without being seen, it seems too good to be true. Although surely his wife will find out? Or at the very least the butler will tell? Or maybe the inevitable will happen and Richard AND Felix will get stuck in the same place...

It's almost farcical in a lot of scenes and EEH is perfect in this double part. As soon as I had watched it I had to re-watch it again just to make sure I would still laugh. I did.  

The Mystery of the Wax Museum - 1933 **

 

'The Wax Museum' is a very disappointing film. It seems to promise it will deliver some good shocks and scares, when actually it does nothing of the sort. Fay Wray, is completely over the top, and Lionel Atwill takes 'pervy old man' to a whole new level.

It obviously revolves itself around 'Phantom of the Opera', 'House of Wax' and other gruesome creature movies, but all in all, it doesn't really work. It's also filmed in a horribly naff half colour, half sepia lens, making everything and everyone seem all the more grotesque. I just didn't find the film enjoyable.

(HORROR) The Washing Machine - 1993 *

 

'The Washing Machine' is a horrible nightmare of a film. It hasn't got much of a story, and the majority of the film is an excuse for lurid sex shots and bad dialogue.

A policeman is on the case after a dismembered man is found in a washing machine and he is linked to his lover and her two sisters. Typical Ruggero Deodato. Bad acting.

More Than a Secretary - 1936 ****

 

A nice bit of fluff from Jean Arthur and George Brent, a film that you can just let wash over you without much need for thinking.

Carol is a beautiful, brainy teacher at a typing school. Uninterested in finding love or trying to start a relationship, she is mortified when Maisie, the worst typist in her class accuses her of being a dried up old maid. Prompted to make a change, Carol quits and goes to work as a secretary for a hunky editor of a health magazine. What starts as a dream scenario descends into a nightmare after Carol is promoted, and Maisie is roped in as the new secretary.

Enjoyable.

All About My Wife - 2012 ****

 

A surprisingly amusing Korean film about what happens when a perfect marriage falls apart at the seams.

A young couple approach their seventh year of marriage, and realise with dread that they don't actually like each other. The husband can't stand the wife's stressing and arguing, and the wife finds her husband's lack of interest in her upsetting.

The husband comes up with the ingenious idea of hiring a Casanova to seduce his wife so that he has an excuse to leave her. The only trouble is, the wife, begins to fall for the Casanova, the Casanova falls for the wife, and the husband realises he does still have feelings for her, but is it too late?

Worth a watch. South Korea isn't one for churning out blockbusters so when one does come along it's worth a see.

Johnny Eager - 1941 ****

 

Oh My! Experiencing Robert Taylor on the big screen sends your heart a-flutter! He has a hint of William Powell, with a smidgen of Clark Gable. What could be better?

Johnny Eager has just been released from jail after a long stint and fools his probation officer into thinking he is a good, clean living taxi driver. In reality, he is the head of a massive crime syndicate which specialises in gambling, and couldn't be more dangerous if he tried.

Things hot up when he meets Liz, a beautiful socialite, little realising that she is the daughter of his arch nemesis and someone he really should be avoiding. As a result, Johnny tries to use Liz in a prank that goes horribly wrong, rendering her on the brink of self destruction.

Turner is so naïve and innocent in this, and Taylor is so gorgeous that they just smoulder on the screen together. Great film.

Separation City - 2009 ****

 

One of those films I love. The type that go unnoticed, sneak under the radar, and then treat you to rather an impressive, emotional experience that you weren't expecting. 'Separation City' is all about love and fidelity, but it's handled in quite a sensitive way which makes it appeal to a wider audience which pleases me.

Simon is a middle aged husband and father of two children who is growing increasingly tired of the lack of sex and excitement in his life. His wife doesn't offer up much interest in him intimately, and this makes him doubt the relationship. So much so in fact, that when he notices Katrien, the wife of a friend of his, he becomes besotted by her, believing that she can offer him something other than the boredom and stability of his current life. This however, is what appeals to her about him, and she refuses to start an affair with him immediately, believing that this will dilute the attraction she feels for him. Katrien is also dealing with her own demons, having found out that her husband is cheating on her, so is in more of an emotional and wounded state than Simon.

Even so, the film revolves around the pair's obsession with each other, and the lengths they go to to fight it, and then to hide it.

Very enjoyable character study.

Mystery Liner - 1934 *

 

A very poor show. 'Mystery Liner' is the complete opposite of what constitutes a good, gripping thriller. It's badly acted, has an almost non-descript storyline. It sounds a lot better than it actually is.

After the captain of an ocean liner goes doo-lally he is taken off duty, although it doesn't stop the strange events from continuing to happen on board. A number of dead bodies appear, and everyone is a suspect, especially considering the liner is being controlled by a special device the government are testing and could be making people insane.

It's a bit of a lame excuse of a film. The plot doesn't fit together and doesn't really make much sense, and the characters don't fit well at all. Bad.

A Deadly Adoption - 2015 ****

 

Few people were less interested in the 'secret' film that Will Ferrell was completing with Kristen Wiig without the public's knowledge than me. So when it was suddenly released I was equally uninterested. However, after deciding I was being a tad harsh and should just give it a go, I was surprised how much I enjoyed it. I do confess to being a bit of a fan of Lifetime movies, especially if you get a really gripping true story, but I doubted much could be done involving Ferrell and Wiig without extreme hysteria. Why would they want to It was hard to know at the beginning whether it was going to be a spoof or dark comedy. Actually, it was neither, and in fact became quite a dark and unsettling thriller.

After suffering a terrible tragedy, Sarah and her husband Robert are feeling helpless over being unable to conceive anymore children. As a result of this, they become fiercely protective over the young daughter they already have and barely let her out of their sight. Five years down the line and Sarah feels that it is time to look into adopting a child, and Robert is having sober after having to deal with his previous alcoholism, which left him a wreck, mentally and physically. Both feel that adopting another child will bring their fractured relationship together, and repair the loss they have experienced. The light at the end of the tunnel comes in the form of a woman named Bridgette whom is coming to the final month of her pregnancy and is keen to find some people to adopt her child when it's born. Sarah and Robert cannot believe their luck, surely this is too good to be true?

Although it's a fairly predictable story, it was still fun to watch and surprisingly well acted by Ferrell (not sure I like Wiig though).

Crimes at the Dark House - 1940 **

 

Tod Slaughter has always been one of those farcical, hammy actors that people remember for all the wrong reasons (a bit like Arthur Askey whom I find hilarious) but he doesn't seem to do himself any favours here, preferring to mince his performance up for all it's worth.

Slaughter appears as a convict who murders a wealthy gentleman and assumes his identity in order to inherit his large and luxurious estate in England. Once he is there, he plans to wed the heiress of the fortune, but when people begin to suspect them, he murders them immediately to keep his secret quiet. I found Slaughter to be too much in this, and the story didn't grip me in the slightest. I do apologise to Wilkie Collins profusely, but assume he would've probably been amazed at how badly his classic novel was converted to film.

 

A Woman of Paris - 1923 ***

 

'A Woman of Paris' was panned by audiences all over, but praised by the critics. No one was really sure how to react to a Chaplin movie that wasn't full of hilarious moments, and people also disliked the fact he was behind the scenes only. This film is certainly not amusing in any way, and has a lot of tragic elements to it, but it's a great thing to see how versatile Chaplin was at acting and directing. Edna Purviance plays a young girl who is jilted by her fiancé at a train station and is heartbroken. She goes to Paris where she meets a handsome man named Pierre and becomes his mistress. But no sooner has this all happened then her old boyfriend resurfaces and she is torn between the two.

Purviance is such a sweetie in this, such an underrated actress whom Charlie Chaplin clearly adored. So much so in fact that when she stopped working for him he kept her on his payroll for the rest of her life. An interesting film to watch.

Looking For Trouble - 1934 **

 

Looking for trouble? Nope, just looking for a decent movie. And it looks like I haven't found one. Spencer Tracy should really know better than to leave himself open to this poor excuse, and Constance Cummings? 'What happened to you??'

It all centres on male, chauvinistic pride. Tracy trying to outdo his girlfriend's boss by outing him as a criminal, but in doing so he ends up in a lot of trouble, and potentially loses his girlfriend. Typical. I just thought the acting fell flat, and the script wasn't very good. I didn't enjoy it.

The Big Shakedown - 1934 ***

 

The Big Shakedown follows pharmacist Jimmy, who desperate to wed his beautiful fiancé Norma as soon as possible gets involved with a gang of dodgy bootleggers headed by wise guy Dutch who latch on to the fact that Jimmy can replicate any pharmaceutical item for half the price. The plan is to get Jimmy to make the products cheaply whilst the gang pocket the difference, but when Norma unknowingly ingests some of the cheaply made product Jimmy has been forced into making during labour, she loses her baby. Jimmy is horrified and seeks vengeance.

Bette Davis does her usual sultry, strong performance here, and does her part well, despite the fact that a lot of these films have very little to offer overall. Enjoyable to a degree.

(HORROR) The Card Player _2004 ***

 

'The Card Player' follows a similar vein to other Argento movies, it's slow but also manages to deliver a scare at the same time which you are only really aware of when the movie is over.

When a British woman is kidnapped, the police unit from Rome are thrown into a terrifying and horrible game of cat and mouse. The kidnapper, known only as 'the card player' taunts the police by playing games with them online. If they can win, the victim goes free, but if they lose, they are subjected to watching the victim's slow death, via webcam. This happens again and again, until a chance meeting with a young boy who is a computer wiz at online playing appears to try to save the day.

It's really quite gruesome, but acted well by Stefania Rocca who seems to put her heart and soul into the part as the investigator desperate not to lose anymore victims. Argento knows how to get under your skin, and then stay there.

Fedora - 1978 ***

 

I'm a bit obsessive about Billy Wilder and this is one of the few famous films of his that I haven't ever seen. Well now I have, and all I can say is it's obvious that this is another portrayal of 'Sunset Boulevard' where a man seeks to visit an aging Hollywood star who has become a recluse because of her own celebrity.

Barry Detweiler is devastated when he finds out that his old flame Fedora has committed suicide, especially since he saw her only 2 weeks ago at her beautiful remote island where she has been living out of the glare of the public. Whilst there, she confided in him that she was being kept a prisoner by a mysterious Polish countess. Barry is rightly concerned and starts trying to track her movements to see why she is being kept there against her will. The results are not expected. I found this movie (with the exception of the first scene) started very slowly, progressed moderately and suddenly towards the end hurtled towards the finish like a sprinter in a race. Suddenly, all the facts are revealed and Barry is exposed to a scandalous secret that exposes what happens when stars want the limelight too much and are willing to ruin lives to get it.

I've always loved William Holden in his earlier days, and it seems so sad that we see him in this film as a washed out, past his best actor compared to his suave and handsome role in 'Sunset Boulevard.'

Still, he does well with the script, manages to be fairly convincing and even tugs at the heart strings a little towards the end.

 

Spider Baby - 1967 ***

 

This is such a bizarre film. It's hard to know whether to laugh hysterically or be utterly freaked out. I know it's turned into a hard to find cult classic now which is fine, and it seems obvious that it set the tone for 'House of 1000 Corpses' which is one of my favourite horrors. It's also got Lon Chaney Jr playing quite a big role, and he is almost unrecognisable.

The Merrye family are the last living descendants of an inbred generation. They also have a genetic condition whereby they become more and more immature the older they get. Oh, and the whole family are crazed cannibals who kill visitors and eat them. Bruno, the family chauffeur has such a fondness for his family that he covers up the ghastly crimes of the two girls Virginia and Elizabeth, especially when greedy relatives appear, desperate to make a quick buck from the family estate. But the truth never stays hidden for long. Especially when you are surrounded by utterly deranged lunatics. Features regularly on the '50 Worst Films Ever Made' lists which tells you something about the quality, but in all seriousness I have seen worse films out at present with even less of a storyline.

Released 3 years after it was made due to the film company going bankrupt. It's almost impossible to find now so when you do find it it's worth savouring it.